Are You Too Available?
Here is a truth, most people are too available. Far too available
when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes,
expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches,
a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is, the things we most
want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things
are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is
the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something,
the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk super model
to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my
friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being
so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being
available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? Because
for the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then
remove it and the desire factor goes through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that
it is extremely difficult for mere mortals to do. When we
meet someone we really like we stop playing games, we want
to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking
hours are devoted to our next meeting. The problem is, our
date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can
set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness,
we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less
So what we need to do is train ourselves to be enigmatic and
elusive and stop being so available. A friend of mine worked
in a bar in new York and was always attracting girls but he
never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates.
He is a lovely guy and probably one of the most reliable men
I have ever met. He wanted to know why women seemed to lose
interest in him and stopped calling so we performed an experiment.
He was asked not to call the women he dated, maybe once but
after that let the women chase. They would leave messages,
he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would
pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new
arrangements first though he maintained their interest levels
and very soon he discovered that the girls were now chasing
him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had
an air of mystery now, he was someone the girls wanted to
get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let
myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way.
I met a beautiful girl whilst working in New York City and
it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much
so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent
almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped.
And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had
become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted,
I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much
for things to work out. Of course I was available for all
the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect.
I lost the girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started
down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular
schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free
both days a the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date
at first. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner,
let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday,
you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely
hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really)
and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity
information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have
will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading
this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying
to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you
meet the person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less
available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed
in getting your Mr. Right. Create the demand, become the diamond
and then become as difficult as a top jewelers to get into,
but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.